Journalists/E-celebs as Cars
As Featured in Man's World Issue 9
Dasha Nekrasova as a fiat convertible. Whether it’s Cinque Terra or the Jersey Shore, this fun weekend driver is great for a quick getaway. Reeks of stale cigarettes and peppermint schnapps but the nostalgia for the days of lost youth make it enjoyable. The feminine leather-bound stick shift gives it a little something extra.
Alex Jones as a Tesla Cybertruck. When you pull into the Trader Joe’s with a “Keep Austin Weird” bumper sticker on this bad boy, straight out of the Gigafactory , jaws are gonna drop. Quirky and built like a tank, and doesn’t run on a battery as advertised, but instead solely powered by water. Buts that’s what the lizard people don’t want you to know.
Anna Khachayan as a 914 Porsche. You bought into it used, it was a little past it’s prime but this exotic European model can still turns heads. Half of your friends think it’s hideous and the other half want to take it for a drive. But hey it’s thin and hot and has classic if slightly asymmetric headlights.
Jack Posobiec is a Toyota Tacoma. The market leader in insurgent vehicles for thirty years running. With a rear mounted antiaircraft gun and a CB radio for communicating with hundreds of your buddies, you can coordinate to take out a corrupt administration. Time for a change, regime change.
Tucker Carlson as a Super Duty F-250. If you’re like many Americans, you want to stick with a market leader that can get the job done. Solar panels and wishful thinking won’t bring heavy machinery from point A to B, you need all American Horsepower with alternative cam timing to optimize high-output power.
Christopher Rufo (Lufo?) is the Toyota Sequoia. Made in America, with an assist from some Asian ingenuity, the sequoia is great to take the kids hiking on Mount Rainier or the Everglades with plenty of cargo space for all their hockey gear. But in a pinch, can absolutely flatten Drag librarians, BLM supporters, or even Mickey Mouse.
Elizabeth Bruenig is a busted 1992 Ford Festiva. Dad handed it down to you when you started college, you’ve held onto it even though it cost a small fortune to fix the grill and replace the headlights. Keeps changing hands between owners and the hoses are constantly leaking fluids.
Sean Hannity is a 1988 Chevy Silverado. Call him old fashioned, but they just don’t make cars like they used to. It still gets you where you need to go, doesn’t it? Do you really need all the latest GPS features just to drive the same commute daily? Great for hauling drywall.
Kat Timpf is a Mini Cooper. How do you stand out in a crowd of Camaros and Ford Mustangs all over the Fox parking lot? Put on some fashionable headlights and wear the bottle blonde look “ironically”. Fits into a tight NYC parking space with room to spare.
Michael Cernovich as a VW Bus. This versatile van could just as easily be picking up hitchhikers in Bangkok or Lahore as it can be picking up the choir going to Latin Mass. This Bus has seen it all, with a little hidden stash of Ayahuasca in the boot, just don’t tell the missus.
Anderson Cooper is a Mexican Chevy S-10. If you have enough tie downs, chico, he can tow it. Seeming never to bottom out, this little guy is surprisingly resilient. He can handle wide loads, oversized loads, just load after load, this guy can’t get enough! Suspension never needs replacement!