Lebanotarian’s Indecent Proposal
Call me Faisal. I’m from Cana and am love my home country but for several years ISIS try to recruit my son Iskander and we stay in basement get shelled overhead, rockets coming from
[ editor’s note: due to the passage of Florida House Bill 741 this section of the editorial has been NOT ALLOW]
Oh, uh anyway am not have hate in heart but have store and warehouse destroy and have to start over. Back in home country Faisal have to turn off electric at night and turn back on in morning, we have only 12 hours electricity is no problem just hard to watch TV belly dancer without generator. Anyway Faisal have big dream come US of A I think why not you know have electric 24 hour. Me, Iskander, Doner, and Belly Dancer all get in shipping container travel to Greatest Country in world home of toilet paper. Amnerica is like “home base” for Faisal, means once I touch home base we can vote, collect EBT you name it. We collect refugee fundraise, Section 8 we live American dream. Like the first amendment say, bring us your sleepy, your muddy lasses, or w/e as long we have free trade it’s all good my friend.
Now that Faisal have been in America two weeks, I have list of demands that will improve country:
1. America has too many rules. They demand so much paperworks just to enter. I have good lucks my cousin Fareed is already here I send him my picture he files paperwork’s for me, he say I have visa now. They say six months I can stay but I have many cousins they stay longer, just make the cards with their picture no problem my friend.
2. So now I drive an Uber/Lyft they say you need insurance all these forms. More tricks. If my car hit your car, and the great magnet in sky says my car still works, it is a blessing to me why should I not drive off? If your car cannot work, don’t blame me blame magnet in sky. I’m hard working immigrant I don’t have money for these tricks. Social Security? Do you think I will live to 65 my friend? Listen I do a job for you give me cash.
Faisal have friend Rico when I drive south Rico has package for me to pick up, he give me cash, I no ask questions. Medicare, Social Security all lies, my cousin Umair says we need Universal Basic Income, UBI my friend that sounds a better deal. I sit in tanker boat for two weeks to get here with only almond covered dates my friend once I step in America I need this UBI.
But another issue Faisal am need to talk about, US of A have too many guns. Far too many. In Cana just police and army have guns. Sometimes the SAUDI BARBARIANS come recruit ISIS have guns to hand out. But is not like US of A what you need so many guns for. Is sad, so as new, better American Faisal start to think how to solve this problem. Whether Faisal make delivery Chinese Benadryl to Dayton Ohio or bring Coca-cola to Cleveland Faisal always go to Section 8 and meet contact there. Everyone so happy to meet Faisal when he make delivery but Faisal hear stories young mans get killed get shot all the time. Faisal have strong bond with fellow, uh comment dit-on? POC always show strong judgement.
In fact first thing Faisal do in Us of A is watch all Marvel Universe movies and see Samuel Jackson assemble the Avengers and Faisal learn where authority and power come from. Also, once Lebanotarian learn that immigrant grant special exemption on city contract am could not help but show solidarity my fellow POCs in America.
And so Faisal want to make, eh, comment dit-on an Indecent Proposal? We can’t expect crazy whyte man to act on gun restrict it is up to the wise, the noble, the Samuel L Jackson of the public housing across the great US of A.
Let’s ban guns in all public housing, like lead by example my friend. Everyone there vote democrat already (because genius judgement) and since democrat always support these comment futon “common sense” gun restriction laws it should make sense to all people living here. We can set up check points and anyone caught with gun boom change the locks. We just say “Sorry sir your EBT card is empty”. This should not be problem for wise people live public housing. Maybe once rest of America see how all gun murder eliminate in public housing, they will try to do the same. This is what is call “win-win”. And so am fello Democrats as they say in America, “the basket is in your court”.