Okeechobee Carpet Delivery Service

Listen to me read an excerpt from a short story accepted in the After the War Short Story collection, available from Passage Press Publishing.

Listen to me read with a little help from my Southron Belle y’all all know and love a short story entitled, “The Okefenokee Carpet Delivery Service.” An excerpt from After the War: Stories From the Next Regime, which asks /ourguys/ to answer the question “What comes next?” Including stories from the likes of Bronze Age Pervert, Raw Egg Nationalist, Mike Anton, and dozens of others plus a foreword from Zero H.P. Lovecraft, this anthology asks readers to imagine our circumstances leading up to, during, and after the great cataclysm that awaits us. This anthology is dedicated to Douglass Mackey, AKA Ricky Vaughn, a victim of the current regime, and to whom all author royalties for this book will be donated in support of his ongoing legal defense fund.

Listen here

Blake Pfluger had counted the steps, 16 to the second floor and 10 to the loft, noted the 2020 French door Wolf refrigerator and the Aga oven.  He had lightly touched Jared’s arm and said, “They must have been professional chefs”. When Blake first met the Hoffman’s, he pitched house hunting as a kind of a date. Intimate discussions about the kind of school district their future kids may enroll in, the pros and mostly cons of modern stucco.  Backlit address plates.  The entirety of the Lake Eola aesthetic. All while riding around in his leased Land Rover burnt orange Defender every weekend for the last six weeks. 

“So the beauty of this townhome is, in this neighborhood, is first floor living.  That’s pretty rare. And it’s less than 20 years old.” Blake locked eyes with Jared, acknowledging that it was he and not Chelsea, that would be the key decision -maker.   

“It’s been on the market for five days.  I can tell you; it won’t be on the market for long. What do you think?” 

Jared shuffled nervously, “It just seems like 750 is a little overpriced for a townhome.” 

Blake shrugged, “Well, that’s because it’s a corner property.  And a 2005 build is pretty recent for Lake Eola. “ 

“The one on Amelia was $780.” Chelsea said with a mousy twitch. 

“And that was on the market only three days.  They say you should budget about 30-40% of your combined salary.  Between the law firm and the hospital, you think you could pull it off?” 

You wouldn’t be able to tell Blake used eyeliner unless you got within about three feet.  He kept the bronzer to a bare minimum as well. Blake’s mom took him to see Pinocchio for making all As in third grade, and ever since then he dreamed of working at Disney world.  His first summer after college he interned at Disney and after rolling around with the boys at Buena Vista Lay for a year, the very concept of sitting in a classroom and biding his time seemed pointless.  His career trajectory ran from Disney to waiting tables to HIV counseling to realty, and now Blake Pflugers name can be found on as many Orlando signs as there are twinks at the Republican National Convention (and Blake would know).  These bored housewives that made up most of the realty business couldn’t keep up with him. 

Of course, the Hoffman’s agreed to buy.  Now it was just time to line up his finance guy.  Behind Blake’s pristine, youthful face was a veritable cottage industry.  His finance guy, the title company, structural engineers, cleaning crews, inspectors, renovators, exterminators, landscaping. Blake could name two people to do each job.  After pre-approval Blake dropped the Hoffman’s off at their apartment and finally checked his phone while at a stoplight.  Julio, his contractor texted him that Jackrabbit Joe was squatting in a townhome while it was being built.  Jackrabbit Joe was well known on neighborhood watch apps for his quick grab and go thefts, bikes and tools out of people’s garages. Most of the vagrants and squatters stayed west of I-4.  Sitting at the stoplight Blake Pfluger narrowed his eyes and said, 

“Not Lake Eola” 

This is the second time I contribute to an anthology to support Ricky Vaughn. I do this because I think it is the key struggle of our time. Maybe you will support this cause too, and get to finish reading this story, by buying a copy.